"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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