yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
