I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
