Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
