So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
