Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
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