apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
