The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
