I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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