I accidentally burped into my bong.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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