No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
either way he was missing a nipple.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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