Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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