Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
