He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
