So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
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the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
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I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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