I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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