I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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