did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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