Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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