I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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