my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
