I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
