just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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