YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
