My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
