Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
