Do you still have your period?
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
