the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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