Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
