i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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