He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
