how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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