what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
