Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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