why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
