I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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