And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
