Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
