She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
