i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
