never play flip cup with pint glasses
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
