Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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