if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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