Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
lets start a swedish sibling band together
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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