If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The uberlube is also flammable
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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