I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
