i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
