You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
