If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
