i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
