so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
