I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
