fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
