I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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