I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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