Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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