I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
