I cockslap morals
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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