you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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