nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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