When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
