Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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