Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
