in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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