all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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