I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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