Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
