i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
