Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize