The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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