Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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