You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
