i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
