We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
